


Nothing Ever Goes As Planned

by zeeissorandom



Category: MindCrack RPF, Minecraft (Video Game)
Genre: F/M, M/M, Other
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-15
Updated: 2016-10-31
Packaged: 2018-06-08 11:53:23
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 15
Words: 16,088
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6853549
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/zeeissorandom/pseuds/zeeissorandom
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Senior year, the year that defines who you are forever, is the best year of your life, and is supposed to shape you into a responsible adult. Unfortunately, not everyone can go by what life is supposed to be. Beef enters his senior year, hoping and praying that everything goes to plan. But, this is real life. And nothing in real life ever happens as planned.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Live In The Now

BEEP BEEP BEEP

The alarm clock rang through the small room. Beef sighed and pulled the pillow he had been laying on from under his head and pressed it against his ears, trying to block out the loud noise it had been blaring.

"Beef, hun, you need to get up. School starts in 10 minutes." Beef heard his mom call out from the bottom of the stairs. Beef groaned loudly, hitting the top of his alarm clock to stop the ringing sound.

"5 more minutes." Beef grumbled to myself, not wanting to get up and face the year ahead of him. Senior year. Oh, boy.

"Get up, sleepy head. We're gonna be late for the first day of senior year, bud!" Beef heard his best friend, Pause yell, opening his door and ripping the covers off of him.

"No." Beef muttered, flipping over and pressing his face into the pillow.

"Yes." Pause said, cheery as always. Beef truly didn't know how he managed to live life, with his cheery demeanor almost never seeming to fall, and when it did, it only happened in front of Beef, and even then it was a rare occasion to see anything that bad to have gotten him worked up.

"Uhg." Beef groaned as he stood up off of the bed. Pause walked past him and opened up the curtains, the brightness of the sun shining into the room. "Pause, come on, I'm in my boxers!" Beef shouted, face turning red as Pause laughed a bit, closing the blinds.

"Just trying to wake you up, buddy! Wear this." Pause commanded him throwing a black and blue flannel and a pair of black skinny jeans at him. Beef caught them with ease and groaned. Pause politely turned around, waiting for Beef to change his boxers. After a minute or two, Pause turned back around to see Beef almost fully dressed, buttoning the last button on his flannel.

"How do I look?" Beef asked Pause, turning slightly to look at the full length mirror that hung on his bedroom door.

"Not terrible. Come here, let me fix you hair." Pause said, easily fixing Beef's hair so he looked more presentable in Pause's eyes. "There you go! Perfect." Pause smiled, admiring his work. Beef rolled his eyes, but let himself smile anyways.

"You ready for this? First day of senior year. This is gonna pass by quick..." Beef trailed off slightly, nervousness overcoming him.

"Beef, you're gonna be fine. You're class valedictorian. Don't stress. Live in the now, dude!" Pause smiled at Beef, who wore a look of worry on his face.

"That's easy for you to say. You slack off almost everything." Beef rolled his eyes, trying to forget about the impending doom of college approaching faster than he would like it to.

"Ah, whatever. You gotta chill though, man. It's only the first day. How bad could this be?" Pause asked Beef, who shook his head.

"Famous last words." Beef mumbled, pushing a few notebooks and folders into his backpack by his bed.

"Gotta go out with a bang, baby!" Pause laughed, making Beef smile at the taller boy in front of him.

"You ready?" Beef asked, and Pause shrugged, a smile never leaving his face.

"As I'll ever be." Pause stated, grabbing his bag. And with that, they were off.


	2. This Is Real Life

Beef took a deep breath as he smiled at his best friend, the two walking down the stairs together.

"Morning, sleepy head." Beef's mom smiled at them.

"Morning." Beef smiled sleepily at his mom, grabbing an apple from the fruit basket on the table.

"You guys excited for your first day?" Beef's mom asked.

"Hardly." Beef said, taking a bite into his apple.

"Awh, Beefy, come on!" Pause said, smiling a bit, leaning against the counter. "It's gonna be great." Pause finished.

"Now, if only you could wipe some of that optimism onto little Beef here," Beef's mom giggled a little bit, tousling Beef hair.

"My masterpiece!" Pause yelled, making Beef and his mother laugh.

"Whoopsies!" Beef's mom laughed, smiling at the two boys. "Come give me hugs!" She smiled, holding out her arms for Beef and Pause to both give her a hug. "I'm so proud of you boys." She grinned, making Beef blush a little.

"Mom, cut it will the sappiness." Beef said, smiling despite his words.

"Oh, shush! And get a move on, boys, you're going to be late." She smiled, shooing them out the door. Beef and Pause stood outside Beef's house next to each other, Beef taking a deep breath before they set down the small set of stairs together.

"You excited to see your boyfriend?" Pause grinned over at Beef, nudging him with his arm. Beef blushed dark red and pushed Pause to the side, looking at the ground with sadness all over his face. "Awh, come on, guy. I didn't mean to make you sad or anything. Just joking." Pause said, looking over at Beef.

"Yeah, I know..." Beef said sadly. "It's not like anything that I can do can help at this point." Beef added, looking at the ground.

"Hey, don't be all sad now. Sorry for bringing it up, we don't have to talk about it. Let's talk about something else." Pause said, and Beef nodded. They talked about their past few days, as they hadn't seen each other for a few days.

"Played video games all night practically." Pause told Beef, as their high school came into view in the distance.

"That's nice. The Forest?" Beef asked, and Pause nodded.

"Hey, don't let anything get you down, today at least. It's only the first day. Just try and relax." Pause told Beef, who nodded in response as they walked into the courtyard of the school. They walked inside the school together, splitting when they got to where Pause needed to go to his locker. Beef walked over to his locker and his mouth fell open upon who was standing a few lockers down.

"Hey, Beef!" Etho smiled at him, and Beef put on a fake smile, and hugging him in a friendly manner. They were close friends, told each other a lot, but God, did Beef wish they were more.

"Hey, Etho! How was your summer?" Beef asked cheerily. Beef, over the years, had gotten better and better at lying, especially when it came to his feelings for Etho.

"Amazing. Me and Nebris hung out a bunch." Etho smiled, and Beef felt a pang in his heart, but it wasn't anything out of the ordinary for him to hear from Etho.

"That's awesome. I'm glad you guys are still doing so well together." Beef said. Another thing Beef had come to learn, that encouraging Etho to stay with Nebris hid Beef's feelings for Etho more than anything.

"Yeah, but I missed you over the summer, Beefers!" Etho giggled, smiling at Beef. He felt his heartstrings pull at the look of Etho smiling at him.

"I missed you, too. I was pretty busy over the summer too, reading and studying and stuff." Beef said, smiling a bit.

"You push yourself too hard, Beefy. It was the summer. You should have been out having fun with your friends, not reading and studying for stupid AP classes." Etho rolled his eyes, and Beef sighed.

"Yeah, I know. But if I don't study every free chance I get, I might not win valedictorian, and then I'll be even less eligible for a good college, and if I can't get into a good college I-" Beef was cut off by Etho grabbing his arms.

"Beef. You gotta calm down, bud. Take a deep breath." Etho instructed, and Beef did as told. "You're gonna be fine. Don't push yourself too hard." Etho told him, and Beef nodded, trying his hardest not to blush at their closeness.

"Okay, sorry. Just a lot of stress lately with colleges and-" Etho cut Beef off again.

"Beef!" Etho giggled. "No more college talk. You're starting to make me have a mental breakdown." Etho laughed, making Beef laugh in return. They heard a bell ring, which signaled that they would have 5 minutes to get to their first period classes. Beef opened his locker, organizing this things in it before taking his pencil bag, a notebook, and a folder to his AP chemistry class. "Beef, wait up!" Beef heard from behind him. He turned around to see Etho running towards him, a smile on his face. "You have AP chemistry first period?" Etho asked, and Beef nodded.

"Well, I'm glad to know that I'll have someone in that class that I know." Etho smiled, walking beside Beef as they walked into the classroom. There were sets of two tables across the room, Etho and Beef obviously sitting next to each other.

"So, how have you been?" Beef asked Etho, desperate to hear his voice as much as possible.

"Pretty good. Great friends, amazing boyfriend, things are going pretty well, can't really complain." Etho smiled, a smile that just altogether reassured you that everything was going to be okay.

"That's good." Beef smiled, nodding as he took out his journal that he took everywhere with him and started to doodle across the page.

"What about you?" Etho asked, observing Beef's drawings.

"Huh?" Beef asked, raising his head up to look at Etho, who had pulled him out of his thoughts.

"How have you been?" Etho giggled.

"Oh." Beef smiled a bit. "Meh, honest answer? Really bad. But it's nothing to be worried about." Beef said quickly after he saw the concerned look spread across Etho's face.

"Well, yeah it is. If you're not happy, I'm gonna be worried, whether you like it or not." Etho grinned at Beef. "It's who I am. But, do you want to talk about it?" Etho asked, and Beef shrugged, shaking his head gently.

"Don't worry about me, though, please. It's nothing that's going to change anyways, so don't worry." Beef told Etho, who frowned jokingly in response. Beef smiled a little bit as he looked down at the paper, continuing his small drawing.

"That's really good." Etho noted, looking at Beef's drawing.

"Thanks." Beef smiled, his eyes meeting Etho's. In a perfect reality, in that moment, Etho would forget all of his feelings for Nebris. He would lean closer and closer to Beef, who would, in turn, lean closer to Etho. They would slowly move closer together, until their lips would press softly against each other, the kiss bringing a sense of completeness to the both of them.

But, of course, however, this was real life. And in real life, things don't happen like that, no matter how much you want them to sometimes. So, the two sat next to each other, after breaking the small eye contact that they had, and continued on with the rest of class, Nebris on Etho's mind, and the latter on Beef's.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> chapter two is up! i hope you guys liked this one, and i'll try my best to pace myself with this fic, but odds are i'm gonna post everything i have written tonight, because i'm gonna try and pull an all-nighter for the MINDCRACK STREAM!! at the moment of posting this, we are on hour 6 and a half and its going great so far. been a ton of fun :D anyways, i hope you guys liked this chapter, if you guys want me to, ill post the rest of the chapters tonight, but if not, and you want a surpise (sort of..?) then let me know how you want me to post the chapters of this. so far i have 5 chapters of this done, and theyre all around 1,500 words-ish so it may take me a bit longer to get these chapters out than others. but i do have big plans for this story :D i hope you enjoyed! love you babes!
> 
> ~Bai!


	3. Comfort From A Friend

The rest of chemistry went without anything particularly important happening. The class was spent with the two boys catching up on what was done over the summer, and an introduction to the class.

"You think we're going to keep the same lunch group as last year?" Etho asked Beef, who shrugged.

"We always have." Beef smiled over at Etho, both of them laughing. You see, Etho and Beef had been friends for years, since freshman year to be exact, and they had also met their tight-knit friend group that year, too. Beef, Etho, Pause, Guude, Bdubs, and Zisteau.

"That's true." Beef laughed a bit, as the bell rang and they walked out of the classroom together.

"I'll see you at lunch, okay?" Etho said, resting his hand on Beef's arm in a friendly manner, but Beef wished he could say it was so much more.

"Okay." Beef said, smiling through the pain. Etho walked away from him, and Beef's smile fell, looking at the ground.

"Beef!" Beef heard two of his friends yell out from in front of him. He forced a smile as he was brought into a huge hug by Guude and Bdubs.

"Hey, guys." Beef smiled at his friends, who had let him go. Beef was slightly confused at their enthusiasm to see him, as it hadn't been that long, maybe a week or two, since they had seen him last.

"Did ya hear?" Bdubs asked Beef with a smile, who looked at him confusedly.

"Hear about what?" Beef asked, not knowing what to expect.

"Z and Kurt." Guude said, a little less excited than their dramatic friend, but still looking excited.

"What about them?" Beef asked, wanting more explanation than the small one they had given him.

"Z finally got the balls to ask Kurt out, and Kurt said yes!" Bdubs said, almost jumping up and down. Beef wanted to feel happy for the two, as Zisteau had had a huge crush on Kurt for almost 2 years now, but he couldn't bring himself to feel truly happy for them. He just wished that he could be happy, like them, but Beef faked happiness anyways.

"Really? That's awesome for them!" Beef said, an overly-fake smile spreading across his face, and whether Guude and Bdubs noticed it and decided to not say anything about it, or just didn't notice it at all, they stayed quiet about it.

"Yeah, they're going on a date tonight. Z wanted to know if we would all come over and help him get ready. You in?" Guude asked, and Beef nodded.

"Just us, or everyone?" Beef asked, not knowing if he wanted Etho to be there or not. Most likely not, as Etho would probably ask to bring Nebris. And, speak of the devil...

"Hey guys!" Etho called out, hand in hand with Nebris. Beef held his breath and felt his blood boil, but made no changes in his outer appearance.

"Hey." Beef smiled at the two, as much as he didn't want to, Guude and Bdubs both exchanging hello's with the couple in front of them.

"What's up?" Nebris asked, looking at the three boys in front of him.

"Oh, nothing, just talking about the summer and stuff." Bdubs said, nodding a tiny nod towards Beef. Beef let out a small breath, feeling grateful for Bdubs.

"Ah, that's fun." Nebris said in his raspy voice that Beef despised with every ounce of his being.

"Yeah." Guude said, catching on to what Bdubs was trying to do.

"We'll talk to you later, guys. Gotta get to class." Bdubs said, grabbing Guude's sleeve and pulling him away from the group.

"Yeah, the bells about to ring. See you guys later." Beef said, accidentally letting some bitterness seep into his words as he spoke. He quickly walked past the couple, who had already started to kiss each other goodbye, something Beef was grateful he didn't have to witness. The next three classes of the morning passed by achingly slowly for everyone, but Beef especially. He walked out of his AP music theory class, letting out a deep sigh, knowing this year was going to be a long one. Beef practically dragged his feet towards the cafeteria, before seeing Pause, and walking up to him.

"Hey, Beefers. You look down. Come 'ere." Pause commanded, holding his arms out, Beef obliging, letting Pause hug him. "Rough start to a day?" Pause asked, Beef hearing the vibrations of Pause's voice through his chest, where Beef's head was resting. Beef let out a small breath and nodded quickly. Beef sighed and they broke apart from the hug. "You're gonna be good, buddy. Just take lunch here as a time to chill out, you're gonna be good." Pause reassured him, Beef starting to believe it less and less, although he nodded anyways. They walked into the cafeteria together, finding the table that the group of friends had picked out to sit at. Pause and Beef sat down next to each other, Etho next to Beef, who, of course, had Nebris next to him. Next to Nebris sat Zisteau and Kurt, then Guude and Bdubs. The 6 other boys smiled at Beef and Pause as they sat down together, everyone exchanging hello's.

"How're the AP classes going, Beef?" Guude asked Beef, who everyone considered the smartest out of the whole group of them.

"Stressful." Beef said, opening a can of soda and taking a sip.

"Stressful? How stressful could they be? It's only the first day." Zisteau said, and Beef laughed darkly.

"I already have a project due next week as an opening assignment in my AP English class over the book we had to read over the summer." Beef grumbled, resting his head in his hands.

"Damn." Bdubs said in the quietness of the table.

"It'll be fine though." Beef said, smiling through more emotions than he could list. "Congrats, you two, by the way." Beef smiled over at Zisteau and Kurt who were holding hands under the table, trying to direct the attention into someone else. Upon mention of their relationship, Kurt's face had turned a light pink.

"Thanks." Zisteau and Kurt said at the same time, smiling over at each other, making everyone laugh.

"You guys are perfect for each other. Too cute." Guude smiled at them, Beef catching Bdubs staring at Guude from the corner of his eye. Beef made a mental note to ask him about it later.

"Only us four left single here, huh?" Pause asked, looking between Guude, Bdubs, and Beef.

"Yeah, I guess so." Guude smiled, looking at Bdubs for a quick second, and something told Beef that the number of single people in the group would soon drop to 2.

"Yep." Beef said, taking another drink of his soda. "Come with me." Beef commanded Pause, grabbing his sleeve and pulling him up and towards the kitchen area of the cafeteria. They walked inside, Beef grabbing a bag of chips.

"You okay?" Pause asked Beef, who shrugged in response.

"I really don't know." Beef said softly, shaking his head. "I don't know how much longer I can deal with this. And I have a huge feeling that soon enough, we're gonna be the only singles in the group." Beef told Pause, who looked at him in confusion.

"You think Guude and Bdubs are together?" Pause asked, and Beef nodded.

"If not, then they will be soon." Beef said, sighing a bit, finally letting some of his emotions of the day show through.

"Well, we can go over to your house and watch a movie or something today?" Pause asked, and Beef nodded.

"Thanks.." Beef said softly, before he remembered. "Guude and Bdubs said that he wanted me to come over to Zisteau's to help him get ready for his date with Kurt, but I swear to God, if I see one more couple kiss or just do anything I'm going to throw up." Beef rolled his eyes. "So, yes, please come over tonight. I really don't want to go over there, and I want an excuse to not go." Beef asked, and Pause nodded, smiling as always.

"Of course, man. I'm here for you." Pause smiled, holding out his arms again for Beef to hug him again, who smiled softly as he was hugged by his best friend.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ahhhh i really dont know how i feel about this chapter tbh. maybe its because i dont like pauseunbeef xD thats probably it. well, in any case, i hope you guys enjoyed it! im probably gonna post the next chapter on tuesday, and (HOPEFULLY) every other day or so after that. i only have about two weeks of school left. today is may 15th, and my finals start on the 24th, so ive been studying my butt off to hopefully do well on them. the last day of school for me is the 27th too, so im almost dONE WITH THIS HELL HOLE FOR A YEAR THANK GOD.
> 
> i just sort of realized that you guys dont know much about me really. if you care at all, feel free to read me talking about my boring life xD
> 
> ~ my name is zee / kenzie / zed  
> ~ my favorite youtubers areeee:  
>  \- Ethoslab  
>  \- VintageBeef  
>  \- PauseUnpause  
>  \- Danisnotonfire  
>  \- AmazingPhil  
> ~ i ship a lot of things. like a LOT OF THINGS  
> ~ im 15   
> ~ i live in muricaaa :P (it sucks here never visit) xD  
> ~ idk theres not really much about me, i have 2 OC's that are pretty cool, scarlet and damien :P
> 
> OKAY thats it for today guys xD i hope you enjoyed! love you babes!
> 
> ~Bai!


	4. Movie Night

The next class period, AP psychology, passed by quickly, Beef actually taking a lot of interest in the topic of psychology. He left the class, slightly sad that it was over. Beef walked into his AP computer programming class, not excited for it, until he saw the silver hair of his friend. Beef smiled to himself as he walked over to Etho, sitting down next to him.

"So, no surprise that you would take computer programming." Beef giggled as Etho jumped at the sudden sound of Beef's voice next to him.

"Well, yeah." Etho smiled. "But why did you take it?" He asked Beef, turning towards him. Beef shrugged, his mood slightly lifting after how sad he was earlier in the day.

"I don't know. Thought it would be fun, I guess." Beef said, knowing the real reason was because he knew Etho would take it, and Beef had been hoping and praying that him and Etho would end up in the same class.

"Ah, well, that's good then. I don't know anyone else in this class very well, so good thing that you're here for me." Etho smiled. The teacher walked in and discussed the years plans.

"You guys have all known each other for 4 years, or more, so, assuming that you all know each other, I want you guys to pair up and come up with an idea to design a video game together." The teacher told them, and Etho's face lit up, staring at the teacher excitedly. "It needs to be a game with a set end goal, multiple controls, and the rest is up to you." The teacher finished, and Etho looked over at Beef, excitement clear on his face.

"This is going to be so much fun!" Etho said, a little louder than intended.

"Well, I see Mr. Slab is more than excited for this assignment." The teacher noted, making the class chuckle, and Etho's face turn bright red.

"Sorry." Etho said quietly, laughing at himself slightly. Beef giggled at his friend's excitement, and the class started to pair up.

"So, what were you thinking?" Beef asked, and Etho's face broke into a smile.

"Well, I was thinking that we could make a game where the character wakes up on a planet where everything around them is in ruins or something like that, and the player has to go around the map, killing off enemies and bosses to get the tools and pieces required to fix their rocket or something to get back to earth." Etho said, enthusiasm clear in his voice. Beef couldn't help but admire how passionate and adorable Etho looked in that moment, and, again, Beef felt the almost overwhelming urge to lean in and press his lips against Etho's again, but he held back, knowing it would do more harm than good.

"That sounds like a great idea." Beef smiled at him. They spent the rest of the class together, planning out some of the game mechanics, when the last bell of the day rang. Beef stood up, letting out a long breath of relief.

"So, are you going over to Zisteau's tonight?" Etho asked Beef, and he froze.

"Um, well, me and Pause were planning on hanging out today.." Beef trailed off, not wanting to tell Etho how much he didn't want to go through the extra pain of seeing him and Nebris all kissing and holding hands.

"Oh, okay." Etho said as they walked to their lockers. Beef packed his bag, and threw in the rest of his stuff, just as Pause walked up to them.

"Hey, buddy." Pause smiled at Beef.

"Hey, Pause." Beef said, his voice small.

"We gotta stop at Walmart or something before we head over to yours. You need comfort food." Pause giggled, making Beef smile and shake his head softly. Beef turned around to say goodbye to Etho, only to be greeted with Etho and Nebris kissing passionately in the middle of the hall. Beef grimaced and turned back around, not bothering to say goodbye to Etho. Pause trailed closely behind him as they walked out of school and into the courtyard, into a small area where nobody could see them.

"Uhg!" Beef yelled, gripping at his hair in frustration. "Everywhere I go! I swear to God I can't get away from it!" Beef sighed, almost in tears. Pause quickly pulled him into a hug, Beef finally feeling free to spill all of his emotions from the day, and cry into Pause's shirt. Beef felt the tears fall faster as Pause held him tighter. Beef didn't hold anything back from Pause, he never did, but today was different. Beef barely ever cried, let alone in front of people.

"Let it out, buddy." Pause whispered calmingly to Beef, running his fingers through Beef's hair to soothe him. Beef nodded and continued to let the tears fall down shamelessly. Beef pulled out of the hug and took a deep breath.

"Thank you." Beef whispered softly. "Your shirt's all wet." Beef noted, chuckling a bit as he wiped away his tears. "Do you want my hoodie?" Beef asked, and Pause shook his head.

"I'm good. And it's pretty chilly out. You keep it." Pause smiled as they started to walk towards Walmart. Pause felt his heart ache as he stared at Beef, who was staring at the ground, his hands in the pocket of his hoodie. They got to Walmart and walked inside together, getting some food for the night. They paid for the food together and walked towards Beef's house, a few bags in each of their hands. Beef pulled out his keys and unlocked the door, walking inside his house.

"My mom's not home tonight, she's got a work thing." Beef told Pause, who nodded in response, setting the bags down on the table.

"You know what movie we're watching, right?" Pause said, a huge grin on his face. Beef shook his head, and Pause reached into the bag, pulling out the movie Deadpool. Beef's face lit up for the first time in a while and he smiled.

"I've been wanting to see this movie forever!" Beef said excitedly, and Pause nodded, smiling at his best friend.

"I know. That's why I got it." Pause said, still smiling.

"I'll make popcorn and get food together. Go up to my room and grab my blankets and pillows and stuff and throw them on the ground in the living room." Beef commanded Pause, who nodded, walking up the stairs to Beef's room to grab his blankets. He pulled all of the blankets and pillows he could find and brought them down the stairs. He threw them all in a nice pile, laying a blanket out for them to lay on and some pillows to lean against. Pause grabbed the movie and put it in the DVD player. Beef walked out behind him with a bowl of popcorn and a two liter of Pepsi, and a plastic bag of different candies. Beef set it all down and sat down next to Pause, as they started the movie. Beef rested his head on Pause's shoulder, yawning a bit.

"You getting tired?" Pause asked, looking down at Beef.

"I'm good." Beef smiled up at Pause, making eye contact with him. Pause stared at Beef, and Beef back at him. "Pause?" Beef whispered softly. Pause moved in slightly, connecting their lips. Beef's eyes widened, but kissed back anyways. Maybe Beef did have feelings for Pause that he never thought about until now. They broke apart and stared at each other, faces red.

"Um.." Pause said softly. "S-Sorry." He finished, eyes never leaving Beef's.

"I-It's okay." Beef said. This could be good for Beef. Forget about his feelings for Etho, forget about all of that. Be happy with Pause. Pretend like anything he'd ever felt for Etho never even existed.

"Can we do that again?" Pause asked quietly, and Beef nodded softly. Pause raised his hand to caress Beef's cheek, bringing their faces back together again. Beef slowly kissed back, tangling his hands in Pause's hair. Beef kept on telling himself as they moved in sync, that this was good for him, that Etho wouldn't like him no matter what. He told himself that if Pause would love him like he wanted Etho to, than he would take that over being alone. But also, hard as he tried, he couldn't get the thought out of his mind that it would be so much better if it were Etho he was kissing.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *GASP* a ton happened this chapter omggg xD i loved the way this chapter turned out tbh and i hope you guys did too! feel free to leave your opinions and such in the comments :D i said i was going to release a chapter on tuesday but i couldn't help myself xD i hope you guys enjoyed! love you babes!
> 
> ~Bai!


	5. The Reveal

Beef and Pause spent the rest of the night cuddling and watching the movie, Beef cuddled into Pause while thoughts swirled around his mind. They ended up falling asleep together, Beef's head on Pause's shoulder, and Pause's arms around Beef's waist. Beef woke up first the next morning, yawning slightly as he looked over to see his new boyfriend cuddling him. Beef closed his eyes, not wanting to wake up, not wanting to face the world. He felt Pause move from beside him, yawning a bit.

"Hi." Pause said in his slightly raspy morning voice.

"Hi." Beef said softly. Pause smiled at him, and looked at his phone, checking the time.

"We have like 10 minutes to get to school." Pause told Beef, who nodded, but continued to lay on Pause anyways. Beef decided that he liked the feeling of Pause's arms around him. Beef had decided a lot of things last night. That he liked Pause hugging him, and kissing him. That he liked the way that Pause looked at him. Things you were supposed to like about someone you were dating that Beef never thought about Pause before. "Do you want to just stay home today?" Pause asked, and Beef let out a sigh.

"Nah, I have to go." Beef said, reluctantly standing up, holding a hand out for Pause to get up too. They both walked upstairs as Pause grabbed some clothes he kept at Beef's house, Beef grabbing a t-shirt and jeans, getting into the shower quickly. They both finished getting ready, leaving the house and taking Pause's car to school, getting inside with less than a minute to spare. Pause and Beef walked up to Beef's locker, both of them laughing from a joke Pause had said. Beef looked and saw Etho at his locker, putting a few books inside. He decided again, among the many other things he had decided that day, that he would see what reactions he got when he kissed Pause in front of Etho, so that's just what he did. Beef rested his hand on Pause's cheek and slowly moved in to kiss him softly, feeling almost sinful to be kissing Pause, especially in front of the boy Beef had been pining after for years. They heard a small gasp from beside them as Etho had looked up to see them.

"Oh, hey, Etho." Beef said, faking innocence.

"You guys are together?" Etho asked, and Pause nodded shyly. "Since when?" Etho asked, and Pause looked at Beef nervously.

"Last night." Beef told Etho, who grinned at them, bringing them both into a hug.

"Awh, I'm so happy for you guys! I always thought you two would end up together." Etho smiled at them, and the words Etho spoke shot like daggers into Beef's heart, because as much as he had tried to shove the thoughts of liking Etho out of his mind, it still hurt to think that not once ever did Etho have feeling for Beef.

"Thanks." Pause smiled, placing a small kiss on Beef's cheek. "I'll see you at lunch, okay?" Pause told Beef, who nodded softly, smiling at Pause as he walked away.

"You guys are adorable together." Etho smiled at Beef, who smiled and nodded at him.

"Thanks." Beef said, looking over at Etho to walk to their class together.

"Now Guude just needs to grow a pair and ask Bdubs out." Etho giggled, making Beef smile.

"That's what I said! They obviously like each other!" Beef giggled as they walked into chemistry together. They sat down at their desk, getting to work on the chemical mixing project for the day. Etho grabbed a notebook out of his bag, and began writing down the notes on the chemicals. Beef looked over at Etho, studying his face. He noticed how Etho's nose scrunched up slightly in concentration, and his tongue poked out in between his lips. Etho's eyebrows furled as he stared at he paper, and Beef felt the same rush of emotions as the day before, to lean in and kiss Etho, nothing like how he felt as he kissed Pause. Beef thought to himself what this meant. He decided that it would take a little while to get over Etho, but that still didn't mean he didn't have feelings for Pause. Beef pushed his feelings for Etho far down in his mind, and looked away from him as soon as Etho looked back up to grab a tube of a blue liquid into a yellow liquid, the mixture fizzing loudly, before Etho grabbed it and poured it into a green liquid, turning the mixture of colors into an almost brown liquid, that being what they wanted.

"Sweet." Etho said, smiling at his work. Beef grabbed the notebook from Etho and wrote down the noted of the liquids he had mixed. The rest of the class went on like that, Etho mixing while Beef wrote, while thoughts about his feelings for Etho and for Pause swarmed around his head, giving him a headache. The bell rang throughout the classroom, notifying that the class had ended. Etho gave Beef a smile, who nodded in response as they walked out of the classroom.

"Beef, get your ass over here!" Beef heard Bdubs yell from behind him, a few people around him stopping to see what was going on. "What the hell are you doing, man?" Bdubs asked, in a quieter voice as people's attention left them.

"What do you mean, what am I doing? I'm walking to class?" Beef asked him, confused.

"You and Pause are dating?" Bdubs asked Beef, who blushed in response.

"Yeah... What's the matter with that?" Beef asked him. Bdubs rolled his eyes in response, grabbing the sleeve of his shirt and pulling him into a bathroom that nobody ever used.

"The matter with that, is that you've had a crush on Etho for two damn years, but now all of a sudden you and Pause are dating? What the hell is up with that?" Bdubs asked, frustrated.

"I realized I have feelings for Pause." Beef said, trying to believe his own words. "It's good for me that I'm finally getting over Etho." Beef finished, making Bdubs laugh darkly and press his forehead against the wall in frustration.

"Beef, what you aren't understanding here," Bdubs said, moving away from the wall and in front of Beef. "Is that Pause has had feelings for you for over 4 years. Pause has been in love with you for four damn years!" Bdubs yelled, trying to calm himself. "And here you come in, never ever having feelings for Pause before last night and you kiss him. You can't do that to people, man! It's not right." Bdubs said, taking deep breaths. Beef was nervous, he had never seen Bdubs this angry and upset. "You know, I'm closer to Pause than you might think, Beef. He loves you, he is in love with you. And you love Etho, even if you don't want to admit it to yourself. You can't go around kissing Pause and crap like that when you know you're still in love with Etho!" Bdubs finished, taking deep breaths.

"You don't know anything about me, Bdubs!" Beef yelled back, anger seeping out. "How do you know I'd never had feelings for Pause before? How do you know I'm not in love with Pause? It isn't something for you to determine for me!" Beef said, and Bdubs yelled in anger.

"Whatever, Beef." Bdubs said, finally calming himself down. "But, just know, that you mean a lot more to Pause than he means to you." Bdubs said, his voice softening. "A lot more. So don't go making him get more attached to you than he already is if you know that the moment Etho and Nebris break up, you're going to be pining over Etho all over again." Bdubs said, leaving the bathroom before he yelled again. Beef stood in the middle of the bathroom, speechless.

What had he gotten himself into?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> OH DANG GUYS. IT WENT DOWN. BDUBS IS MAD AT BEEF. HOW IS THIS GOING TO PLAY OUT? TUNE IN NEXT WEEK (aka maybe like friday or something) TO SEE XDD okay anyways, enough with my stupidity. i hope you guys enjoyed this chapter! i love the way this chapter turned out and i hope you guy did too. love you babes!
> 
> ~Bai!


	6. Learn To Love Him

Beef stood in the bathroom, taking a deep breath and looking at himself in the mirror. He looked normal, but on the inside, his emotions were pulling him left and right, up and down. He stared at the mirror for a while, ignoring the bell that rang notifying the beginning of 2nd period. Beef let a tear roll down his cheek, and another, and another, until they were a constantly flowing stream down his face. He didn't know what do to. Did he love Pause, or Etho? Sure he cared about Pause, but did he love him like he loved Etho? Beef remembered back to the night before when Pause had kissed him. He didn't feel anything special. Just a kiss, lips pressed against lips. But when he was with Etho and Beef watched him do silly little things, he felt the overwhelming urge to lean in and kiss him, his stomach fluttered with butterflies, and he couldn't think straight. He didn't feel that way with Pause, but what was he going to do? Him and Pause were dating, and Pause obviously liked him a lot. Beef still couldn't think of what to do, his mind swirled with thoughts and his stomach churned, until he couldn't take it anymore. Beef turned around, rushing into a stall to throw up into the toilet, the disgusting smell of the old bathroom setting in around him. Beef hurled all of the contents of his stomach into the toilet, feeling even more tears stream down as he heaved. He wiped his mouth and sat against the wall of the stall, littered with stupid graffiti that built up over the years.

"Beef?" Beef heard Pause call out. He froze, not knowing what to do. Beef pretended he was fine, flushing the toilet and walking out of the stall as if nothing was wrong.

"Hi?" Beef tried, getting a stern look from Pause. 

"What happened to you? You look awful." Pause said, resting the back of his hand on Beef's forehead. "Holy hell, Beef, you're burning up! You need to get home, like now." Pause said, and Beef shook his head.

"I missed last period already. I can make it through the rest of the day, I'm fine, really." Beef told Pause as he tried to walk out of the bathroom, being stopped by Pause holding his shoulders in place.

"You're not going anywhere but home, Beefy." Pause said, his voice gentle, Beef internally wincing at the way the pet-name rolled off of Pause's tongue with ease. "Come on, let's get you to the nurse." Pause told Beef, who shook his head again.

"No, Pause, I can't miss a day of school. I'll never catch up again, then I won't do well, and I'll have to study more, and if I don't study enough, I won't get a good grade on finals, and then I won't go to a good college-" Beef ranted, Pause cutting him off by holding out a finger.

"Listen, babe." Pause said, his voice soft. "One day is not going to hurt you. You're sick. You need to go home." Pause said, and Beef sighed, looking at the ground. 

"Fine." Beef grumbled, not happy that he was being forced to leave, because being away from school meant being alone with his thoughts, and that's something he didn't want to be alone with. Pause took Beef's hand in his own as they walked to the nurse's office, Beef getting the clear to go home after having his temperature taken. "Can Pause walk me home? My mom's away for work and I walk to school." Beef told the nurse, who nodded reluctantly. Pause smiled at his boyfriend, taking his hand in his own as they got their things together and left the school, hands still intertwined. They got to Beef's house and Pause made sure he was comfortable in his bed. Pause turned to leave, but Beef's voice rang through the quiet room. "Stay?" Beef asked quietly, and Pause nodded, sitting in a chair and moving it near Beef's bed.

"You comfy?" Pause asked, and Beef nodded softly.

"Pause?" Beef asked, voice almost a whisper.

"Yeah?" Pause responded, face looking worried.

"I like you." Beef said softly. 

"I like you, too." Pause responded with a smile, his worry melting away.

"And.." Beef said, contemplating on what he was going to say next. "And I.." Beef's voice faltered as tears threatened to spill from his eyes. Pause's face of worry returned as he pulled Beef into a hug, Beef letting his tears fall onto Pause's shirt. "I-I'm sorry." Beef whispered, not being able to stop his tears. Pause shook his head, pulling Beef close.

"Don't be sorry, it's okay." Pause whispered. Beef took a breath and tried to stop his crying, to no avail as tears continued to fall. "It's gonna be okay." Pause whispered, holding Beef close. Beef wiped away his tears and Pause pulled away. Beef took a deep breath and stared at the bed. Maybe he could try this thing he had with Pause, try and kiss him and enjoy the feeling of his lips pressed against his own. Maybe he could come to love Pause like Pause loved Beef. Beef leaned up and pressed his lips against Pause's, Pause kissing back quickly. Beef moved his hand to caress Pause's face, tangling his hands in Pause's hair. They pulled away and stared at each other. 

"Beef?" Pause whispered softly. "Do you still have feelings for Etho?" He asked, sadness in his voice. Beef just stared at him, not knowing what to say.

"O-Of course not." Beef lied. Pause shook his head slightly.

"Don't lie to me." Pause said, his voice barely above a whisper.

"I-I.." Beef said, trying to hold back his emotions. "I don't know.." He finally said.

"Do you like me at all?" Pause asked, his voice still low and soft.

"I-I do!" Beef said. "I do like you, and I like being with you, bu.." Beef trailed off.

"But, what, Beef?" Pause said, a sad look on his face, but no anger in his voice.

"I don't know.. I thought that I could try this with you, that I could get over Etho when I was with you. And don't get me wrong, I love being with you, and you're really cute, and super sweet." Beef said quickly. "I-I wish I didn't have any feelings for Etho, I wish I never did and I hate that I do, because I care about you.." Beef said, feeling a few tears fall down his face.

"I understand. M-Maybe we shouldn't date, then.." Pause said softly, and Beef's eyes widened.

"Pause, no, I like you. I really do. Can we please just try this? Please? I want to, I do." Beef said, resting his hand on top of Pause's.

"If you want to... But don't just stay with me because you feel bad, okay?" Pause said, and Beef nodded.

"I love kissing you and being with you. I want to be with you." Beef said, Bdub's words coming back from earlier today as they rang through this head. "But, just know, that you mean a lot more to Pause than he means to you." Beef thought to himself, the words repeating in his mind over and over. "Can you stay with me?" Beef asked, and Pause nodded, sitting back down in the chair. "C-Can we cuddle?" Beef asked, blushing lightly, and Pause smiled, nodding as he lay down on the bed, Beef resting his head on Pause's chest, easily falling asleep afterwards.

Beef woke up the next morning, Pause snoring softly beside him. Beef sat up, feeling a lurching feeling in his stomach. He quickly ran into the bathroom and threw up into the toilet, coughing the contents of his stomach out. 

"Beef?" He heard Pause call out, to which he responded with another heave into the bowl. Pause sat down on the ledge of the bathtub, rubbing Beef's back lovingly, waiting until he had finished. Beef spit into the toilet, standing up to get a drink of water from the faucet. 

"Crap. I'm gonna miss school again.." Beef groaned. I can't miss another day, I'll be ruined." Beef said, and Pause shook his head.

"You're not going to school today." Pause said sternly, making Beef smile slightly.

"You're too good to me, you know that?" Beef smiled, and Pause shrugged. 

"I care about you." Pause smiled, making Beef blush.

"Can you bring home my homework for me?" Beef asked, and Pause nodded. 

"I have to take a shower. Mind if I take one here?" Pause asked, and Beef shook his head, walking out of the bathroom for Pause to take his shower. Beef lay down on his bed, staring at the ceiling. What if I still do have feelings for Etho? Beef asked himself. I like being with Pause, I really do, but every time I see Etho with that little concentrated face he does, I can't help but feel compelled to lean in and kiss him. But what's the point in pining after someone else when there's someone right here who likes you a lot? Pause is sweet, and cute, maybe not as cute as Etho, but he's cute. And Pause likes me, a lot. Etho doesn't like me, he likes Nebris. Why not try this out with Pause? Maybe I'll end up falling in love with Pause. Beef shrugged and tried closing his eyes to fall back asleep, to no avail. He heard the shower stop and a few minutes later, Pause walked out in only a towel around his waist, thinking Beef was still asleep. Beef craned his neck a little to catch a glimpse at Pause, who was grabbing some clothes. Beef had never thought much of the way Pause's body had looked before, but now that they were together, he noticed different things about him, like his slightly toned chest, and his tan skin. Beef felt himself blush as Pause walked out of the room. Pause came back out a few minutes later, fully dressed to Beef's chagrin. Pause walked over to Beef's bed, placing a small kiss on his forehead.

"Night, Beef. I'll see you after school." Pause smiled at the fake-sleeping boy on the bed as he grabbed his backpack and made his way out of Beef's house.

This is going to be good for me. Beef thought to himself. I can learn to love Pause like I love Etho.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> someone should teach me how to teach me how to italicize on here because i have no idea xDD also, i hope you guys enjoyed!! finals are approaching me, very quickly at that. today iiiiiiisss... *checks calendar* thursday may 19th! oh god. my finals start tuesday may 24th, so i only have a few short days until im spawped. BUT school is over on the 27th, so then i can write and do all this stuff all the time hopefully, and maybe start updating DAILY?? MAYBE?? 
> 
> don't hold me to any promises there either, because i might end up getting a job this summer to :P i will surely keep you guys updated though on what happens in my life to read if you'd like. today is the last meeting of my school's GSA and me and my friends are all hanging out or a while, so i probably won't update tonight. also, i was up till 2 am yesterday studying for finals, and ill probably be doing the same thing tonight, so you MIGHT get an update of one story tomorrow if i can, but i really don't know.
> 
> every time i post a chapter, a few hours later, ill come on and get like 3 comments and kudos from you guys and it is the most amazing feeling in the world to put a ton of work into something for people to enjoy and i love you guys to no ends <333 you guys are what keep me going, and i can always count on you guys to make me happy when i'm feeling down. 
> 
> ALSO (shameless self-promo, GO! i think i might start putting this on all my chapters XD)
> 
> Twitter: _ZeeIsSoRandom_  
> Instagram: mindcrack.fangirl  
> Tumblr: ZeeIsSoRandom
> 
> thank you guys for reading, i hope you enjoy! love you babes!
> 
> ~Bai!


	7. Assumptions

Pause walked into the school, things held close to him. He really didn't feel like socializing, as chatty as he normally was, he really didn't feel up to it today. He was worried about Beef, for more reasons than just him being sick. Pause knew going into this relationship with Beef would come with many hardships, one of them being his crush on Etho, which Pause was beating himself up over. What if Beef was just dating him because he wanted to make Etho jealous? Pause didn't want that, and he knew Beef still had feelings for Etho, even if they were small. But, Beef had told him he wanted to try this whole relationship thing, which Pause was more than willing to do, being as that he had had a crush on Beef for years. Pause tried to stop thinking about it and put a false smile on his face as Millbee walked up to him.

"Hey, man!" Millbee smiled at Pause, who smiled back in mock-happiness.

"Hey." Pause said, and Millbee's face fell. "What?" Pause asked, confused as to why Millbee's happiness faded.

"You're sad. Why are you sad?" Millbee asked, and Pause froze for a second, though quickly coming back from it.

"I'm not sad, I'm fine." Pause said, lying, though Millbee saw right through it.

"Pause, I've known you for like 4 years. You're lying to me. Please tell me what's wrong?" Millbee asked, and Pause let out a small breath, knowing he had been found out.

"It's nothing, Milbs. Really." Pause said, not much wanting to talk about the fact that his mind was tearing him left and right as he spoke.

"Pause," Millbee said sternly. "You are far from okay, man. Talk to me. Please?" Millbee begged, and Pause looked at the ground, breathing out.

"Just overthinking things. It'll be fine." Pause said, not wanting to let his insecurities out. Pause didn't talk about his feelings often, and when he did it was usually to Beef, never to anyone else, so he felt weird talking to Millbee about it, even if Millbee was one of Pause's closest friends. Millbee stared at Pause for a few minutes before sighing.

"Is it about Beef?" Millbee asked, and Pause shrugged.

"Yeah.." Pause said, finally deciding to let Millbee know what was happening. "I just... I don't know, I can't help but feel that Beef still has a lot of feelings and is just dating me to make him jealous or something.." Pause said, a small frown on his face.

"Awhh, Pausey." Millbee said, bringing Pause into a small hug. "I'm sure he's not just dating you to make Etho jealous. I understand your nervousness, though, but I'm sure he's not." Millbee reassured Pause, who nodded in response.

"We should get to class." Pause said, and Millbee smiled.

"I'll talk to you later, okay? Cheer up, bud. It's gonna be fine!" Millbee grinned as he walked off to class. Pause went through the first few periods trying to calm his thoughts. He walked into the cafeteria, plastering a fake smile on his face as he sat down at the table.

"Hey, guy." Guude smiled at Pause, as he smiled back.

"Where's Beef? He wasn't in chemistry or in computer programming yesterday. He sick or something?" Etho asked Pause, who nodded.

"He got sick yesterday and earlier this morning." Pause said, and Etho nodded, smiling.

"You guys are really cute together, you know. I don't know if it's only me, but I've been waiting for you two to finally get together." Etho grinned, and Nebris nodded.

"I have, too. It was bound to happen." Nebris smiled. Guude nodded too, the only one who hadn't said anything was Bdubs.

"Thank you guys." Pause smiled. "You okay, B?" Pause asked Bdubs, who looked up quickly, Pause taking him out of his thoughts.

"Oh, yeah. I'm good." Bdubs said, and smiled at them, Guude looking at him slightly.

"So, now that Beef and Pause finally got together, what about you two?" Etho asked Guude and Bdubs, who both blushed a bit and didn't look at each other. "Anyone special in your lives?" Etho asked, knowing he wouldn't get the answer he wanted. Bdubs waited for a second until shaking his head a bit as he took a bite out of his sandwich. Guude looked over at Bdubs nervously, who stared down at the table.

"Boo, come with me for a sec?" Guude asked, Bdubs blushing a bit at the nickname that he loved. Bdubs set down his food and nodded as they both stood up together, the three remaining people at the table watched them go into the bathroom together.

"How much you wanna bet only Bdubs is gonna come back with sex hair?" Nebris asked, making Etho laugh. Pause giggled a bit, throwing a 10 down on the table.

"10 says Guude will." Pause smiled, and Nebris threw down a 10 too, the three chatting about random things. A little while later, Guude and Bdubs came back, both of their faces a bit red. Nebris quickly looked at the back of Bdub's head.

"Yes!" Nebris yelled, grabbing the 20 dollars from the middle of the table.

"Damnit!" Pause laughed, as Etho giggled.

"What just happened?" Bdubs asked, and Etho shook his head.

"I was not a part of this." Etho laughed, putting his hands up in defense.

"Nebris and I bet on which one of you guys would come back with sex hair." Pause said coolly, making Guude choke on his drink a bit, making everyone laugh.

"S-Shut up." Bdubs said, a dark red blush on his face. Nebris leaned over to Pause and whispered to him.

"I guess now we know who's a bottom." Nebris said, making Pause laugh loudly, the happiest he had felt all day.

"We knew long before this." Pause laughed, smiling.

"Shut up." Bdubs said again, him and Guude now both blushing dark red.

"Okay, okay, we'll stop." Nebris laughed, smiling widely.

"You are a bottom though." Guude giggled, and Bdubs looked over at him, nudging him while trying to hide his embarrassment as the whole table erupted in laughter.

"Well, stop talking about it! I bet Etho's a bottom, too!" Bdubs said, trying to get the topic of conversation off oh himself.

"Am not!" Etho said defensively, hearing Nebris snort from beside him. "Oh, come on!" Etho said, blush now on his face.

"Are too." Bdubs grinned triumphantly as Pause laughed on the side, almost falling out of his chair.

"Don't think you've gotten off the hook here, Pause!" Bdubs said, Etho letting out a breath, happy the attention was now on someone else.

"What, you think I'm a bottom?" Pause asked; surprised Bdubs would even think that. "Of course, I'm not!" Pause laughed awkwardly, a bit offended, but as his mind wandered he thought to himself the question... Was he? Pause didn't think that he was, but as he thought about it more and more, the stupid assumption stuck with him long after lunch time. It was all he could think about, and he had no idea why, or why it offended him so much. The school day ended, the question still on Pause's mind, did people think he was a bottom? He shouldn't have been so offended by it, but for some reason he was. Did more than just Bdubs think he was? Pause didn't know what compelled him to, but he decided to ask someone about it. He walked up to Etho after the school day ended and asked him the forsaken question that had plagued his mind.

"Etho, do you think I'm a bottom?" Pause asked, and Etho looked confused.

"Hello, Pause." Etho giggled a bit. "And, uh, no? I don't know. Why do you ask?" Etho asked, and Pause shrugged a little.

"I don't know... Is it weird that when Bdubs thought I was it kind of like.. I don't know, offended me sort of? Like, do I look like a bottom?" Pause asked nervously as he took a step back from Etho, letting Etho observe him from head to toe.

"No, not really. He was probably just pulling your leg, trying to get the attention off of him. And even if you are, you're not the only one! You have me and Bdubs." Etho laughed and Pause finally let out a small chuckle, letting the nervousness leave him.

"Yeah, thank you." Pause laughed. "I'm gonna head back home and check on Beef." Pause smiled and waved goodbye at Etho as he walked out of the school and into the courtyard.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey guys! i am so so so so sorry!! i know this update is really late, and i usually update around like 11 in the morning and now im updating at like 8 at night?? i know it's not that late, but my family forced me to go on some stupid family bike trip with them all day, so i couldn't update. also im so sorry this chapter was like a filler chapter, but don't worry, next chapter is really action packed and stuff :D in any case, i hope you guys enjoyed! sorry for the late update. 
> 
> also, tuesday's, wednesday's, AND thursday's updates are not going to be until like 3 pm either, because i have finals those days and am not allowed to be on any internet device at all or i could get like expeled or something.
> 
> this next week is going to be super stressfull for me with finals and other personal things too, and im so sorry that you guys are getting the short end of the stick in it all, but DO NOT WORRY! because after this week, i'm on summer vacation! my last day is this thursday (today is sunday) and then friday marks the first day of my summer vacation! 
> 
> oh shoot actually now that i think about it, i probably won't be able to update at normal times until next monday because of some things that are happening next weekend. crap.
> 
> i am so so sorry guys for how weird my updating is going to be for this next week :( 
> 
> i hope you guys can forgive me. im sorryyy! i love you babes so much <333
> 
> ~Bai!


	8. Guilt

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TRIGGER WARNING! ~descriptive details of cutting and suicidal thoughts~ you have been warned! (sorry for anyone sensitive to these topics who read this chapter before i decided to put this on too, you can feel free to punch me in the face should we ever meet)

Beef took a deep breath as he stared at himself in the mirror.

"You do not deserve Pause." Beef said quietly as he stared at the reflection. "You are disgusting. A waste of space. You don't deserve love." Beef said, tears springing to his eyes, knowing the words he spoke were the truth. Beef took a deep breath, staring down at the sink, his eyes catching sight of the razor he used to keep his beard tidy. Beef stared at it for a few minutes, contemplating what he was about to do. "Do it. You don't deserve anything, nobody would miss you anyways." Beef told himself, slowly picking up the razor and easily unhinging the blades, four shiny silver pieces of metal clattering into the sink. Beef delicately picked one up and stared at it, seeing the distorted image of himself reflected in the shiny metal. He looked down at his sleeve, and pulled it up to his elbow, and turning his wrist over. Beef stared at the delicate pale skin there, his mind swirling. He moved the blade to hover over his wrist, slowly digging the metal into his own soft skin, wincing a little as the pain hit him, and his dark red blood flowed from the cut. He dragged the metal across, the pain no longer being felt, but a great amount of pleasure as Beef pressed the blade in again. He stared at the dark red blood flowing out of his wrist, a sense of peace washing over him. He made a few more scarlet lines, never wanting to stop the feeling of pleasure he got when doing so. He deserved this for all he had done. Beef started to press the blade into a 10th cut, when he heard a loud gasp come from behind him. A small clatter of metal was heard around the bathroom as Beef dropped the blade and turned around, a few drops of his blood falling to the floor as light blue eyes bet dark chocolate ones. Pause. Pause stared at him, tears falling from his face. Pause said nothing as he moved quickly, grabbing the blades from the sink and setting them on the edge of it as Pause found some gauze, quickly running Beef's arm under the water as both boy's watched his blood flow down the drain. Pause wrapped the gauze around Beef's arm, making sure it was secure. Pause held Beef's hand gently after everything was cleaned up and they stared into each other's eyes.

"Beef... Why?" Pause said after a while, Beef staring at the ground as tears flooded to his eyes. Pause brought him into a hug, Beef sobbing into Pause's shirt. Pause slowly lowered them to the ground, Beef shaking as he cried. Pause cuddled them closer together, Beef hugging Pause tightly.

"I-I'm so sorry.." Beef croaked out through his sobs, trying to control his breathing, but to no avail. "So sorry." Beef whispered through his tears, not being able to see due to the amount of tears falling. Pause just held him even tighter, waiting for Beef to be able to speak coherent sentences. It took a little while, but soon enough, Beef calmed himself down, pulling away from the hug. His face was bright red and wet from the tears.

"We need to talk about this, Beef." Pause said softly, taking Beef's hand in his, as Beef nodded. "Why did you do this?" Pause asked gently in his calming voice that Beef had always loved. Beef stared at the ground as he took a breath.

"I-I don't deserve you, Pause.." Beef said quietly.

"Why would you ever think that?" Pause asked, and Beef shrugged.

"I don't know.. Because it's true? You're too good for me, you deserve someone so much better than me.." Beef said, and Pause shook his head.

"That isn't true at all, Beef. I-I.. You're all I've ever wanted, and you are more than good enough for me. I... I love you, Beef." Pause said gently, and Beef looked up at him, a tiny smile on his face.

"I love you too, Pause..." Beef whispered, kissing Pause quickly. They pulled away from each other and stared.

"Beef, you have to promise me something." Pause said, and Beef nodded, knowing what Pause was going to say. "You have to promise me you won't ever do something like this." Pause said, and Beef let out a breath.

"I-I can't make any promises.." Beef said quietly, and Pause stared at him sternly. Beef waited for a few seconds, reminding himself that the blades were still on the edge of the sink. "I-I.. I promise." Beef said quietly, feeling a wave of guilt wash over him as he knew he was lying to his boyfriend.

"Good. Now let's get you in bed. You're tired." Pause said, and Beef nodded as they both stood up and walked into Beef's room, both of them getting changed into some comfier clothes, and laying down on the bed, cuddling together. Beef waited for a little while until he heard Pause's soft snores to get up and walk to the bathroom. He looked at himself in the mirror, face still a little red and then looked at the blades. He picked them up, staring at the bloody one. Beef exhaled a breath he didn't know he was holding and quickly flushed the blades down the toilet. He walked back into the room where Pause sat, smiling at Beef as he walked back into the room.

"Just had to use the bathroom." Beef said, and Pause nodded as they lay back down, Beef's head in the crook of Pause's shoulder, both of them falling asleep with thoughts of each other racing through their minds.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WAS THIS SAD ENOUGH? YES
> 
> AM I TURNING INTO BUBS? YES
> 
> ARE YOU CRYING RIGHT NOW? I HOPE SO 
> 
> I HOPE YOU ALL ENJOYED THIS SUPER SADNESS BECAUSE I LOVE IT XDDD
> 
> LOVE YOU BABES!!!
> 
> ~Bai!


	9. Etho and Nebris

Beef woke up the next morning, not wanting to be awake at all. He sighed as he turned a bit, burring his face into Pause's chest, wishing that he was dead. He felt Pause move around a bit and took his chance to slip out from the bed, and walk into the bathroom. Dark purple bags hung under his eyes, his face sunken in from lack of food, and his hair was a mess, sticking out at all angles. He hated the way his reflection stared back at him. Beef took a deep breath and felt tears come to his eyes. Why am I so weak? He thought to himself. Tears streamed down Beef's face silently as he looked into the mirror, his reflection staring back. Beef took a deep breath, staring at the blurry reflection in front of him. He sighed, walking out of the bathroom and back into his room where Pause was still sleeping. Beef glanced at the clock, seeing that he had gotten up an hour early. Beef quickly got dressed in a long sleeved black shirt and jeans, staring at his reflection in the mirror. He messed with his hair, trying to make it look better when suddenly he felt a pair of familiar arms wrap around his waist from behind.

"Morning." Pause whispered in Beef's ear, who smiled a bit.

"Morning." Beef responded, looking at the two of them in the mirror together. They looked like the perfect couple, Pause being the more attractive one in Beef's mind, but they still looked cute together. Beef turned around so he was facing Pause and smiled up at him.

"You okay to go to school today?" Pause asked, and Beef nodded hesitantly.

"Yeah, I think so." Beef said, and Pause smiled at him, placing a kiss on Beef's forehead.

"Let's get ready then." Pause smiled, and that's what they did. Well, more of Pause getting ready, and Beef making funny remarks about Pause's body which included an alarming amount of comments along the lines of:

"Damn, Pause, you got a nice ass." Which also ensued in Pause blushing and throwing things at Beef. After the two were all ready, they set out, walking next to each other and holding hands as they approached the school. They walked in together, Beef automatically getting pulled into a hug by none other than...

"Etho." Beef smiled, hugging the shorter man back as he let go of Pause's hand.

"B-Beef," Etho whispered, hugging him tighter. Beef noticed the shakiness in Etho's voice and pulled away from the hug. Etho's face was bright red and tears were running down it.

"Woah, E, what happened?" Beef asked, and Etho shook his head, silent tears falling from his eyes. Beef had never seen Etho cry before.

"N-Nebris..." Etho whispered, more tears falling.

"What did he do?" Pause asked sternly, a cold look on his face.

"I-I found him in the bathroom kissing some other guy," Etho said, his voice low and full of sadness.

"Are you kidding me?!" Beef shouted, attracting the looks of some people in the hall around him. Etho shook his head, and Beef pulled him into another hug. Pause lay a kiss on the top of Beef's head quickly and walked towards the bathroom, cracking his knuckles. Pause burst into the bathroom, seeing Nebris and the other man still kissing each other. They broke apart at the sound of the door slamming and the other guy ran out, sensing what was about to happen.

"H-Hey, Pause?" Nebris offered in his croaky voice, that Pause had always hated.

"How dare you." Pause said angrily, slowly walking over to Nebris.

"P-Pause. Don't do anything you're going to regret." Nebris said, nervously backing away from Pause until his back hit the wall behind him.

"Oh, trust me, Nebs. I'm not gonna regret this." Pause said, grabbing Nebris by the shirt and landing a hard punch across his left cheek.

"Pause, stop!" Nebris yelled as Pause hit him again.

"How could you do that to Etho?! He gave you everything, you piece of sh*t!" Pause yelled, letting the purple-eyed boy fall to the floor, his nose bleeding, and probably broken. "You deserved that, you scum. Don't you ever talk to Etho, or any of us ever again, you understand me?" Pause glared down at the boy, who nodded weakly, tears falling down his face. Pause left the bathroom without another word and back out to where Beef and Etho were last standing. Etho was still crying and Beef was doing his best to comfort him, but to no avail.

"Pause." Beef said after seeing Pause, smiling softly. "What did you just do?" Beef asked, his smiling face turning into concern quickly.

"Something that needed to be done." Pause said simply, and Etho flinched.

"D-Did you... hurt him?" Etho whispered, and Beef sent Pause a glance.

"Etho, he deserved everything I did to him." Pause said after a few seconds, and Etho's sadness turned to rage.

"I want to see him. Is he still in the bathroom?" Etho asked, and Pause nodded, him and Beef following Etho quickly as they walked into the bathroom.

"Sh*t," Nebris mumbled, seeing Etho in front of him. "Etho, I am so sorry, baby, please forgi-" Nebris started, but Etho cut him off.

"I don't want any of your crap right now, Nebris." Etho spat out, trying to control his anger. "After all we've been through together, this is how you treat me? After all I've done for you these past two years?" Etho asked him angrily, tears springing to his grey and red eye.

"Etho, I'm sorry, ba-"

"Don't you dare call me baby, or babe, or any of that stupid stuff," Etho growled. "I-I..." Etho tried to speak. "I'm done with this, Nebris. I just... I.." Etho started but shook his head. "Goodbye, Nebris." Etho said softly, pushing past Beef and Pause softly and out of the bathroom, tears falling down his face. Beef looked over at Nebris, beaten and bloody as him and Pause walked out of the bathroom. They met Etho at his locker, who then pulled them into a tight hug, crying onto their shirts.

"Thank you, guys," Etho whispered. "Thank you." He said again, Beef and Pause holding their fragile friend tighter, knowing he needed the comfort.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> oh boy. its been a bit since i updated this fic, and i LOVE this chapter. recently, ive gotten a ton of insparation for this fic and i am ready for it, i think this fic might be like 20 chapters maybe XDD i loved this chapter so much :3 hope you all enjoyed! also sorry for the late update, but this is my first weekend of summer break and ive been spending it all sleeping so far xDD
> 
> also! im so sorry, but there isnt going to be any updates on anything tomorrow (Sunday May 29) because its the day of my famiy's memorial day party and im gonna be super busy all day. sorry :( updates should be back to normal by monday tho!
> 
> hope you guys enjoyed! love you babes!
> 
> OH also i forgot to mention a while back that i have a mindcrack fan acc on instagram and its called mindcrack.fangirl if you wanna follow me on there :D we can chat about mindcrack ship and fangirl together xDD that is all :3
> 
> ~Bai!


	10. Who Are You People?

After Etho had calmed down, first period was just about to start. Beef pecked Pause quickly and whispered a tiny, "I love you." before walking to first period with Etho, who wasn't talking at all.

"Etho?" Beef asked a little into the period. They were doing chemical mixing today, and Etho worked quietly, looking like he wanted to die the whole time. Etho looked at up Beef at the sound of his name.

"Yeah?" Etho croaked out, his voice hoarse.

"How are you?" Beef asked, and Etho shook his head, looking at his hands that were rested in his lap. "Do you want to talk about it?" Beef asked, and Etho waited for a second, shrugging. "Tell you what. Why don't you come over tonight, and me, you, and Pause can all have a guy's night in. Just like old times. And don't worry, we won't act all coupley and stuff if you don't want us to." Beef said, and Etho nodded.

"I don't care if you guys do, but a guy's night in sounds nice." Etho said in a small voice. Beef could tell he was hurting. Etho was normally a pretty quiet guy, but Beef knew him pretty well, and he knew that if he wasn't with anyone tonight, that some bad things could happen.

"Great. You can walk home with us today if you want. My mom's away on work until the end of the week, so it'll just be us three." Beef smiled, and Etho nodded, glancing over at Beef. Etho noticed a small bump under Beef's shirt on his wrist and Etho's stomach sank, any emotion about his jerk of an ex leaving him, automatically being replaced by worry and nervousness.

"Beef." Etho said, his voice a bit fuller. "D-Did you.." Etho whispered, looking down at Beef's wrist pointedly. Beef pulled his arm off the table, resting it in his lap. "Beef..." Etho whispered, partly disappointed, but partly worried for his friend. What had caused him to do something so terrible.

"Rough night last night. I'm fine." Beef said, not wanting to talk about it.

"I won't make you talk about it, but I'm here for you." Etho said softly, and Beef nodded, both of them sitting in a slightly uncomfortable silence, finishing the day's project until the bell rang. Beef set out into the hall, looking for Bdubs, and finding him against a locker, Guude kissing him softly. Beef was slightly suprised, but not really. He was expecting them to get together sooner or later, but that wasn't what he cared about right now. Guude caught sight of Beef and they broke apart, their faces both red, a small smile on Guude's face, and a tight glare on Bdub's.

"Listen, Bdubs, I get it. You're pissed at me. But I don't see why. I love Pause. And if you think I'm lying to you, I don't know what to tell you then. I'm not going to go pining after Etho now that him and Nebris are broken up, because you know that's what you were expecting me to do.I'm happy being with Pause. We're happy together." Beef said, the words leaving his lips as soon as his mind thought of them. Bdub's glare fell and he brought Beef into a hug.

"I'm sorry for doubting you, Beef. I'm glad you and Pause are happy together, though. I'll be expecting to be the officiant at the wedding then?" Bdubs grinning jokingly as they pulled out of the hug.

"Let's not get too ahead of ourselves." Beef giggled, and Bdub's shrugged, laughing.

"Speaking of.." Bdubs smiled, him and Guude walking away as Pause walked up to them.

"Awh, the party leaves when I get here?!" Pause laughed loudly, Bdubs and Guude laughing too as they walked away.

"Hey." Beef smiled at Pause. Beef leaned up, pressing his lips against Pause's, missing the way his warm lips felt pressing against his own.

"How's Etho?" Pause asked after they broke the kiss.

"He's coming over tonight for a guy's night in with us." Beef said, and Pause nodded, placing a kiss on the top of Beef's head.

"I'll see you at lunch, babe. Gotta get halfway across the school to bio. Love you." Pause smiled, waving back at Beef as he speed-walked to his next class. Beef walked into his classroom, not paying much attention to the lesson, but more to the adorable and funny Snapchats that Pause was sending him. The next two periods after that passed by, Beef ignoring the lessons and texting Pause. Beef knew he should be paying attention to the lessons, especially after not being there for three days, but he just couldn't pull his eyes off of the adorable picture of the two of them together that Pause had sent him. Soon, though, it was lunch time. And that meant seeing Pause. Beef excitedly walked out of his classroom, and into the cafeteria, quickly getting swooped off his feet by Pause, who kissed him softly. Beef laughed loudly.

"Put me down!" Beef giggled, and Pause shook his head.

"Never." Pause laughed, carrying Beef to the table.

"I have legs, you know." Beef said, smiling at Pause, who laughed.

"Yeah, but you're adorable when you try to be angry." Pause smiled back, making Beef blush.

"Shutty." Beef grumbled, still not being able to wipe the smile off of his face.

"You guys are unbelievably sappy." Guude noted, everyone at the table staring at them.

"Sorry not sorry." Pause smiled. Etho tugged on Beef's sleeve and held up a 20$ bill. Beef nodded, kissing Pause quickly before him and Etho walked up to the cafeteria together, getting some food, Etho even buying Beef a soda and some pizza. After they bought the food, they walked back to the table, to see a huge group of people surrounding their table. Etho shot a worried glance over in Beef's direction, Beef giving the same look back. Something had gone very wrong. They dropped the food and sprinted over to the table, pushing the crowds apart. Pause was on the ground, his nose turning purple and blue, dripping blood, Guude, Zisteau, and Kurt all hovered over him. He was unconscious. Beef quickly rushed over to Pause, and Etho looked over to who had caused it. Nebris. His face was still bruised, but he had a nasty glare on his face as Bdubs threw a punch at him, rage in his eyes. Etho gently pushed Bdubs out of the way, who stared at him, confused. Etho stood in front of Nebris and looked into his purple eyes that he used to love, but now he resented. Etho raised his arm and landed a hard punch to the center of his face, knocking Nebris over and Etho kicked him, his calmness flowing away, being replaced by rage. He kicked harder, feeling more and more powerful as Nebris cried out in pain. After a few more blows, Bdubs pulled Etho away before he would kill Nebris, and someone helped Nebris up, getting him to the nurse. Etho rushed over to Pause and found Beef, who's eyes were filled with tears as he stared down at his unconscious boyfriend. Pause shifted a bit, his eyes fluttering open and looking around him.

"Who are you people?" Pause asked.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> okay first of all, guys i am so sorry i didn't update yesterday. like god i felt so terrible the whole day. yesterday i got the news that one of my friends is sick, but like, shes really sick, like hospital sick... i couldnt bring myself to really go on any social media yesterday except twitter for like 10 minutes... its really hard for me because shes one of my best friends and im really worried about her. im so sorry i forgot to update yesterday, i just hope you guys can forgive me, given the circumstances. shes doing a bit better today, but shes still not great.
> 
> and second of all....
> 
> OOOOOOOOH DAMN. I BET YOURE ASKING YOURSELF, ZEE, WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU UP TO? >:3 im being evil, thats what im doing. hehe.
> 
> okay guys, i hope you all enjoyed, i love you babes, updates might be a bit spacey this week, as i might not have a ton of time to write, but ill try and get a few one shots and stuff out soon. 
> 
> ~Bai!


	11. Remember Us

Beef stared down at Pause, nervousness coursing through his veins.

"Pause..." Beef whispered, staring down at the man in front of him.

"Who are you? Why are all of you people standing around me? Where am I?" Pause asked, panic rising into his voice. Etho lay a hand on Beef's shoulder, who had tears in his eyes.

"No, no, no, no, no." Beef whispered over and over again, backing away from the crowd. "Y-You.. He can't just not remember everything!" Beef said, his voice cracking as tears rushed down his face. "This isn't happening! This is a dream!" Beef sobbed, tears blurring his vision.

"What's wrong with that guy?" Pause asked Etho, who was staring on at Beef, who Kurt and Zisteau were doing their best to comfort. The words that Pause spoke hit Beef like daggers in his heart.

"You can't just- He couldn't have- I can't-" Beef stuttered out, his heart beating at a million beats per minute. "H-How can he just not remember?" Beef croaked out, crying onto Zisteau's shoulder.

"That's your boyfriend." Etho told Pause softly, and Pause stared at him confusedly. "His name is Beef." Etho spoke, his voice gentle and caring, as it always was.

"I have a boyfriend?" Pause asked, looking over at the crying boy who was apparently his boyfriend. Etho nodded and Pause stared.

"Give him a minute. He needs a second to take it in." Etho said, and Pause nodded as the crowd dissipated and all that was left were the people that sat at their table. Beef had finally calmed himself down.

"We need to get him to a hospital. We need to know what's wrong." Beef said, and Etho nodded.

"I'll drive." Guude said, holding his keys up. Beef nodded and they all got the okay to go, Pause, Beef, Etho, Guude, Bdubs, Kurt, and Zisteau all piled up into Guude's car, as Pause made awkward small talk with the rest of the guys. They arrived at the emergency room and got Pause checked in, Beef sitting in the chair nervously, Etho being the one to stay with him as the other's all drove back to school.

"What if he never remembers me again, Etho?" Beef asked, his voice shaky. Etho shook his head.

"He can't just forget you. It might take some time, but he's going to remember you." Etho reassured Beef, and he nodded.

"Um, Beef and Etho?" A nurse called from inside a room, and the two made their way into the room together, Pause sitting on the table.

"Okay, which one of you two is the boyfriend?" The doctor asked once they got inside. Beef raised his hand nervously, and the doctor directed his attention towards Beef.

"He has Traumatic Amnesia." The doctor said, and Beef felt himself shudder. "He was punched, correct?" The doctor, Dr. Harper asked, and Beef nodded. "Traumatic amnesia is usually caused by a hard blow to the head, just like Pause experiences. The amnesia is temporary." Dr. Harper said, and Beef let out a deep breath, smiling to himself. "Though, it seems as if whoever punched him, did it very hard. How long the amnesia lasts usually depends on how severe the injury is. Pause's amnesia shouldn't last more than a month or so, but until then, do not try and push any memories onto him. Let him remember them on his own, and by then end of the month he should have all of his memories back." Dr. Harper said, and Beef nodded.

"What do we do until then?" Beef asked, and the doctor shrugged.

"Treat him as if he's your friend right now, at least until he regains the memory that you two are together. Don't try and press any memories onto him. Other than that he should be fine." The doctor said, and Pause cleared his throat. All eyes flew to him as he spoke shyly, something Beef had never seen him do before.

"I-I remember you..." Pause said, looking at Beef. Beef's eyes lit up.

"You do?" He asked, and Pause nodded.

"You're my best friend. Since we were little. And I think I know you, too." Pause said, looking over at Etho, who suppressed a small smile.

"See? Progress!" Dr. Harper laughed, and Pause smiled.

"Are we good to go then?" Beef asked, and Dr. Harper nodded, having both Beef and Pause sign a few papers before they all left, Guude coming to pick them up.

"What's up?" Guude asked, and Beef went to speak, but Pause cut him off.

"I have traumatic amnesia. I remember a bit about Beef and a tiny bit about Etho, but I really just can't remember anything else..." Pause said, and Guude nodded, smiling over at Beef, who was staring at Pause in the mirror. Guude dropped Beef and Pause off at Beef's house and they walked inside together, sitting on Beef's bed, both staring at each other.

"So, uh..." Beef said, not knowing what to say.

"I remember a lot about you. I.. I just don't remember that we were together." Pause said softly.

"We didn't get together until about a week ago, so you probably won't remember that for a while..." Beef said, and Pause smiled.

"I do remember having a huge crush on you, though." Pause blushed, and Beef smiled.

"You're adorable when you blush." Beef said, and Pause blushed harder. Beef cautiously leaned in, and Pause connected the gap between them, slowly pressing their lips together. Pause kissed Beef very slowly and nervously, and they stared at each other as they broke apart.

"Beef?" Pause asked quietly.

"Yeah?" Beef responded, his breath hitting Pause's lips. Pause tackled Beef down onto the bed, kissing him passionately.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> guys holy crap again two days of no updates.. shoot i feel so bad for not updating. i have a really sad one shot coming out tomorrow and me and a special person are currently working on a very special project :3 so stay tuned in for that xD hope you guys enjoyed! love you babes!
> 
> ~Bai!


	12. Not Good Enough

Beef giggled into the kiss, letting Pause take control, kissing him softly. Pause broke away, both of them red and out of breath.

"Beef?" Pause asked.

"Yeah?" Beef asked.

"I love you." Pause whispered and Beef grinned.

"I love you too." He smiled, bringing Pause in for another kiss.

~ the next morning ~

The two woke up the next morning, Beef cuddling into Pause's shoulder, their legs intertwined.

"Good morning." Pause giggled, kissing Beef's forehead.

"Good morning." Beef responded.

"You know, it's really weird to be in a relationship with you, because I don't remember that we were together." Pause giggled. "I'm glad I remember you though.." He said softly.

"I'm glad you remember me too." Beef smiled, cuddling into Pause once more, trying to stay warm.

"What day is it today?" Pause asked.

"Friday." Beef responded, drawing tiny patterns onto Pause's bare chest.

"We should go out tonight." Pause said.

"Yeah?" Beef asked with a small smile.

"I want to take you out to dinner. Have we gone on any actual dates yet?" Pause asked and Beef shook his head.

"No, not like any actual dates. Besides like just sitting and watching movies." Beef shrugged.

"Well, I'm gonna take you out to a fancy dinner tonight then." Pause giggled and Beef smiled.

"God, what did I do to deserve you?" Beef asked, looking up at his boyfriend's deep hazel eyes.

"I could ask you the same." Pause said, leaning in and kissing Beef.

"I love you so much." Beef whispered with a smile on his face and a slight blush.

"I love you more." Pause giggled, kissing Beef again.

"Oh yeah?" Beef asked with a tiny grin.

"Yeah."

"Prove it." Beef said simply. Pause smirked and turned the two of them around, Pause hovering above Beef with a smirk. Pause slowly leaned down, kissing Beef softly, his hands tangling in Beef's hair as they kissed passionately. They broke apart, foreheads pressing together and breathing hard.

"We need to go to school, don't we?" Pause asked and Beef nodded with a small frown.

"Yeah..." Beef said. Pause sighed and climbed off of Beef, the two of them getting ready and setting off to go to school. They walked onto campus together, fingers intertwined, talking about random things.

"Hey, guys." Etho forced a smile at the two boys in front of him. Etho had dark purple bags under his eyes and wore a long sleeved shirt, despite it being in the 70's. He looked terrible, and both of the boys could tell the smile he plastered on his face was very fake.

"Etho, don't act like you're okay in front of us." Beef said. Etho's smile fell.

"What do you mean?" Etho asked, trying to keep his happy disposition.

"Etho," Beef said with a sad smile. "Come here." Beef said softly, holding out his arms. Pause stood off to the side, not yet remembering what had happened. Etho slowly accepted the hug, resting his head on Beef's shoulder as they hugged tightly.

"I miss him... I know I shouldn't, but I miss him so much." Etho whispered, a tear falling down his face. Beef nodded and held Etho tighter.

"I know you miss him, buddy. But you are so much better than him. You deserve so much better than him." Beef told Etho, who sniffled as he silently cried onto Beef's shirt.

"H-How could he just throw two years of our lives away like that?" Etho asked, shaking a bit. Beef shook his head.

"I really don't know Etho." Beef said, rubbing his back soothingly. Etho wiped his tears away.

"It just hurts.." Etho whispered, pulling out of the hug, trying to wipe away the evidence of showing emotions.

"I know it does..." Beef said softly, nodding.

"I-I just... I can't believe he would just go and cheat on me, after everything we've been through together.." Etho said quietly. Beef went to say something but was cut off by the bell. Beef leaned over and kissed Pause softly.

"I'll see you at lunch, okay? I love you." Beef smiled as Pause nodded and walked away with a smile. Etho and Beef started walking towards their class, Beef comforting Etho.

"We don't have anything planned for today. Just take the day off." The teacher said as they walked into the room.

"Etho?" Beef asked as they sat down at their desk.

"Yeah?" Etho responded with an obviously fake smile.

"Can I see your wrists?" Beef asked. Etho's eyes shot open a bit as he shook his head.

"There's nothing there to see." Etho lied. Beef looked at Etho sadly.

"Etho, you're wearing a long-sleeved shirt. You never wear long-sleeved shirts..." Beef said. Etho let out a small sigh of defeat. "Can I please just see how bad it is?" Beef whispered. Etho reluctantly lifted his sleeves up, showing Beef the deep red cuts scattered across his arms. Beef felt a tear slip down his cheek as he stared at the cuts on Etho's wrists. "Etho?" Beef whispered. "I know it hurts, Etho. Believe me, I know. But please, you can't hurt yourself like this..." Beef told him and Etho shook his head.

"Why shouldn't I? I deserve it. I lost the best thing to ever happen to me to some other guy because I wasn't good enough... I don't deserve to live." Etho whispered the last sentence. Beef stared at Etho.

"Etho, are you kidding me?" Beef asked, his voice getting a little louder, tears springing to his eyes. "You think you're not good enough for that piece of shit?" Beef asked, getting strange looks from the people around him. "Etho, you are so much better than that idiot will ever be. You are handsome, smart, funny, witty, clever, literally everything anyone could ever want in a guy. You... You mean so much to me..." Beef said, wiping away the tears that had formed.

"I just... I feel like I'm not worth it... Who's going to ever want a guy like me? Nebris was the only guy who I ever really loved and now he's gone and I feel like my other half is gone..." Etho said, shaking his head as he tried to stop the tears falling down his face, to no avail as his cheeks became damp with tears.

"Etho, you are so important to me. You're one of the best people I've ever met. You mean so much to me, you have helped me through so much before. I just... It hurts that you feel like this." Beef whispered.

"I'm sorry.." Etho shook softly as he cried. Beef brought him into a hug, letting Etho cry onto his shoulder.

"Don't be sorry, it's okay." Beef said. Etho broke out of the hug and smiled sadly at Beef, wiping his tears away.

"I'm sorry you have to see me like this..." Etho said. Beef shook his head.

"Don't be sorry." Beef repeated. "I'm here to help." Etho smiled and nodded, pulling his sleeves back down.

"Beef?" Etho asked after a little while.

"Yeah?" Beef responded, looking at Etho with a smile, only to feel soft lips pressed against his own.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> wow its been too long since ive updated this fic. heres a chapter thats literally going to start a shitstorm. you're welcome. xD
> 
> hope you guys enjoyed! love you babes!
> 
> ~Bai!


	13. Empty Promises

Beef shot away from Etho, looking at his silver-haired friend in shock. The two just stared at each other, neither saying anything.

"Beef... I-I don't know what came over me. I-I'm sorry." Etho whispered nervously.

"It's okay..." Beef said, not knowing how he felt about what had happened. Luckily for him, the bell rang a few seconds later.

"Let's just... not talk about this." Etho said quietly. Beef nodded silently, walking out of the room towards his next class.

"Beefers!" Pause said from behind him, grinning as Beef turned around. "Something wrong?" Pause asked, his face falling.

"No, I'm great." Beef said with a fake smile, kissing Pause softly.

"Good." Pause said. "I feel like I remember everything now." Pause said.

"That's amazing, love." Beef said, looking up into Pause's eyes.

"I know. I just kind have had this sense like I'm forgetting something really important, though." Pause said with a concentrated look on his face.

"I hope you can figure it out. I need to get to class, though. I love you." Beef said quickly, kissing Pause and walking away, leaving the taller boy wondering why Beef had left so quickly.

The day passed by achingly slowly for Beef, who was nervously awaiting lunch. And as soon as it came, Beef started to feel nervous as ever. What would happen at lunch? He had no clue. When he walked into the room, everyone was already at the table.

"Hey, Beef." Everyone greeted him. Etho just stared down at his lunch, not touching it.

"Hey." Beef said with a small smile, sitting between Pause and Bdubs.

"Hey, E, you good, buddy?" Bdubs asked. At the sound of his nickname, Etho's head shot up, looking at the group, who were all looking at him.

"O-Oh yeah. I'm good." Etho said with an obviously fake smile. Beef looked over at him, their eyes meeting, a small blush rising to Etho's face as he looked back down at his food. Beef looked over at Kurt, who stared back at the two confusedly, but decided to shrug it off.

"I'm going to go the bathroom." Beef said, standing up and walking away without another word.

"Something wrong with Beef?" Guude asked.

"Um... I don't know." Pause said, staring after Beef.

"Ah. So who's all going to homecoming?" Bdubs asked. At the sound of the word, Etho flinched involuntarily. "Oh... Sorry, E." Bdubs said embarrassed. The whole group sat in silence until Beef got back, greeting him with hellos, the table silent again.

"Okay, something happened that someone isn't talking about." Zisteau said, annoyed by the silence. Everyone just stared at Zisteau, then around at each other, waiting for someone to say something.

"Eh, Beef! Finally got together with Etho, huh? Good going, man!" A random kid walked past, smacking Beef on the back, laughing heartily as he walked by. Beef froze, not moving. Etho stared after the kid. Pause didn't know what to do. He only stared at Beef, waiting for an explanation.

"What." Bdubs mumbled, looking at the three.

"What the hell is going on?" Zisteau asked. Again, silence.

"Beef..." Pause whispered, not knowing what to think.

"Pause-" Beef began, turning to look at Pause.

"Just.. Don't." Pause said quietly, getting up and walking away. Another silence.

"What the fuck did you two do." Guude growled at the two.

"I didn't do anything, damnit! Etho kissed me! He kissed me!" Beef yelled, pointing at Etho. "Thanks a lot, Etho. Really means the fucking world. I just lost the best thing to ever happen to me because of you!" Beef yelled at Etho, who had tears welling in his eyes. Beef ran towards the bathroom after Pause as Zisteau began to comfort Etho. "Pause?" Beef yelled out, trying to find him.

"Screw off." Pause sobbed out of a stall.

"Pausey, please." Beef said, leaning against the stall.

"No! Don't call me Pausey, don't call me anything!" Pause shook with sobs behind the door.

"He kissed me, Pause! I promise you!" Beef said, tears filling his eyes. "Please..." Beef whispered. A click of the door and out came Pause, red faced and crying.

"Empty promises don't mean anything." Pause said sullenly, turning to walk out of the bathroom.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> wOW ITS BEEN A WHILE. damn i last updated this in july. its now september. thats just gr8. alrighty then that is all. (hehe i left you with another cliff-hanger suck it)
> 
> ~ social media links ~
> 
> personal IG: zeeissorandom  
> queer IG: queer.ducks  
> mindcrack IG: mindcrack.fangirl  
> kik: zeeissorandom  
> tumblr: zeeissorandom  
> wattpad: zeeissorandom  
> twitter: _zeeissorandom_  
> snapchat: zeeissorandom
> 
> hope you guys enjoyed! love you babes!
> 
> ~Bai!


	14. In and Out

Beef stood in the bathroom, in shock, unable to move. He felt detached from his own body, not knowing what to do. It was as everything good in his life just stormed out the bathroom; because it did. Slow motion was the best way to describe it. He looked down at his hands, looking at the scattered scars on his wrists. His eyes concentrated on the red lines, following them. Beef felt his vision begin to swim, blackness overcoming him as he fell to the ground, his head smacking the ground with a thump.

_  
In your mind, everything is at peace._

_You fucked up._

_You're a disgusting piece of garbage._

_Shut up, shut up, shut up! Get out of my head!_

_Please let me die._

_I never deserved to live._

_I don't want to live._

_I don't deserve him._

_He deserves someone so much better than you._

_I hope I die on this floor_

_You deserve every shitstorm in your life and more._

_I want it to end._

_Let it end._

_Let the darkness consume you._

_Breath in. Breath out._

_In._

_Out._

_In._

_Out._

_In._

_Goodbye.  
_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> woah this story is dead just like me. wow its been over a month and a half since i updated this holy shit. okay this is going to be the second to last chapter in this book bc idk what else to do with it and i have too many other things going on it was hella weird writing pauseunbeef but i rlly liked it oh okay idk what else to say goodbye i guess (last chapter is going to come out on halloween happy spoop)
> 
> ~ social media links ~
> 
> personal IG: zeeissorandom  
> queer IG: queer.ducks  
> mindcrack IG: mindcrack.fangirl  
> hamilton IG: brahbrahiamherculesmulligan  
> kik: zeeissorandom  
> tumblr: zeeissorandom  
> mindcrack tumblr: mindcrack-fangirl  
> hamilton tumblr: brahbrahiamherculesmulligan  
> wattpad: zeeissorandom  
> twitter: zeeissorandom  
> snapchat: zeeissorandom
> 
> hope you guys enjoyed! love you babes!
> 
> ~Bai!


	15. The End

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He was always there.

"Pause, you have to come out of your room sooner or later." Guude coaxed at the door.

Doesn't he know that I can't?

"No." Pause croaked out.

"Why not?" Guude asked.

"It's all my fault."

"It's not, Pausey." Guude said. Pause shivered.

He called me Pausey.

Pause couldn't possibly cry anymore than he already had. His eyes were dry, no more tears to be shed. No sadness left to be had. Just remorse, hatred, regret.

"Can I come in?" Guude asked softly.

"If you can." Pause said quietly, not wanting to get up to open the door. Guude opened the door, standing in a pitch black suit, looking down at Pause, who was in a ball in the corner.

"You're not going to go?" Guude asked.

"I don't deserve to see him." Pause whispered.

"He would want you to be there."

He would have wanted me to keep him alive, too.

"He wouldn't want me there. Its's my fault." Pause said.

"It's not." Guude said.

"I can't go... I don't know how I would be. I wouldn't be okay." Pause said, not thinking enough to speak in coherent sentences.

"Please just go...? For him?" Guude asked. Pause looked up at him, begrudgingly getting changed into a suit. The two walked into the service together to the crowds of people, most from the high school, some family members. Pause sat next to Beef's mother, comforting her, trying his hardest not to cry. And then came visiting time. It took a while for everyone to say their goodbyes, but Beef's mother gave Pause the honor of being last to say goodbye. The room was empty by then, nobody but Beef and Pause. Beef and Pause, just like old times, right? Just two buddies. Two lovers. Two boyfriends. One dead, one alive. Pause stared down at Beef, his eyes shut in serenity. Seemed like he was sleeping almost.

"I love you, Beef. I-I... I'm sorry I stormed out. I just hope you can forgive me." Pause whispered, looking down at Beef. "I'll always love you. Always. I'm sorry I'm the worst. And I just kinda can't help but think that you'd be telling me to take that back if you were here. I can almost hear your voice, 'Don't say that about yourself, Pausey!' Remember how you'd always call me Pausey? I loved that nickname..." Pause whispered. "I love you, Beef. I'll come visit you everyday. And I'll take care of your mom too. She was always more of a mom to me than mine was..." Pause said quietly. "I... I knew how much you loved this." Pause said, pulling a baby blanket out of his bag, tears welling up in his eyes. "And I know you were always embarrassed about it too, but I thought you would want it. You always liked to sleep with it... And this is just like sleeping for a really long time, right?" Pause said, putting the blanket in the casket next to Beef's lifeless body, the tears streaming down. "You look like you're sleeping... You were always so cute when you were sleeping. You would always cuddle up to my side and pretend that you didn't mean to, but I knew you did." Pause said with a small sob. "I'm sorry I let this happen to you... I never meant for this to happen." Pause said. "I... I hope you're happy wherever you are. And I hope you can hear me. If you can, it would be cool if you could show me a sign or something." Suddenly a slight rustling of paper behind Pause made him whip around to see what was there. A piece of paper lay on the ground. Pause picked it up, reading it.

"I'll always be here Pause. Whenever you need me, I'll be here. I love you. - Beef"

Pause grinned at the note, folding it up and putting it in his pocket. He turned back around to look at the casket. He smiled at Beef and kissed his forehead.

"Goodnight, love." Pause whispered, walking out of the room that held Beef's body, but Pause knew that wasn't his last goodbye. Beef was always there.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> wow this story has been a whirlwind of a ride. been going on for a hell of a long time, and thats what always happens with my stories xD im just glad i finished it, and on a happy note, too. i hope you all enjoyed this crazy adventure with me. and until next story that takes 8 years for me to complete...
> 
> ~ social media links ~
> 
> personal IG: zeeissorandom  
> queer IG: queer.ducks  
> mindcrack IG: mindcrack.fangirl  
> hamilton IG: brahbrahiamherculesmulligan  
> kik: zeeissorandom  
> tumblr: zeeissorandom  
> mindcrack tumblr: mindcrack-fangirl  
> hamilton tumblr: brahbrahiamherculesmulligan  
> wattpad: zeeissorandom  
> twitter: zeeissorandom  
> snapchat: zeeissorandom
> 
> hope you guys enjoyed! love you babes!
> 
> ~Bai!

**Author's Note:**

> hey guys! im here with a new story and im super SUPER excited for this, because i have a ton of plans for it. i really hope you guys enjoy this as much as i enjoy it, because so far, i've had a ton of fun writing it. i hope you guys enjoy! love you babes!
> 
> ~Bai!


End file.
